上班族必備軟實力

[Trick or treat.]

Halloween is a holiday with very old traditions. In the old days, kids would carry bags and walk around their neighborhoods dressed like monsters and ghosts. They would knock on doors and when the door opened, they would yell, “Trick or treat!” and the person inside would put some candy in the bags. “Trick or treat” didn’t mean anything, it was just what you were supposed to say. Kids would never play tricks on people.

The Shelves are Stocked

For various reasons, most people don’t “trick or treat” like that anymore. They go to parties and have other group activities. It is safer.

[“Love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage.”]

In America, after getting married, the happy couple often takes a short vacation. It’s called a honeymoon.

[There is something to be said for the wisdom of the ages.]

Many old wives’ tales that are sort of true, even if they are not exactly correct. These are modern myths. They try to explain things that we do not understand. Many of these come from the days when many Americans were settlers in a wild, new world and just trying to survive. Many people never went to school and they only had these tales to guide them in life.

One old wives’ tale states that lightning never strikes the same place twice. There is no reason for this to be true except for the fact that the Earth is so big that the odds of lightning hitting the same place twice within a time span that anyone would notice are so small that you can get away with thinking that it would never hit any one place multiple times. The lightning rod on the top of Taipei 101 must get hit often. (Many times a day, the Internet said.)

“Bounty is the quicker picker upper.” That one was going around the television before there was an Internet. They even had videos that showed the paper towels ‘actually’ soaking up spills. There were many gullible people who believed it. Many paper towels were sold.
 

[Richard has lived in Taipei for 18 years, but has never been to New York.]

New York City so nice, they had to name it twice. The city is America’s city. Washington D.C. might be the nation’s capitol, but New York is where everything happens.
Sometimes it seems like New York is America’s only city. If you are not from New York then you are not from anywhere, but if you can make it there, you can make it anywhere. Anyplace else is Palookaville.

Most of our favorite movies and TV shows were filmed in New York. Sometimes it is like some kind of dream land. It is TV land.

[Richard is from Oklahoma and a real party animal.]

There’s plenty of ways to have fun in the USA.

For a weekday, you might go out to dinner and go shopping. Some people celebrate Wednesdays as the mid point of the week or ‘hump day’ the day you are over the hump on the way to the weekend. Since many people work, there is only for them a narrow prime time window in which to operate. You hardly have time to catch a movie without getting home late and then you will be dragging at work the next day.

On Friday you will have a chance to stay out late. Many people make the most of it. They go to drink in dark rooms with bright lights and loud music. By 2 A.M. there will be a lot of people eating a late night breakfast at any restaurant that is still open that late. People eat pancakes and sausage while drinking orange juice and cup after cup of hot coffee.

In America, a signature is a proof of identity. It is a necessity of daily life. A signature is as unique as fingerprints. Handwriting experts can tell if a signature is genuine or not. It takes a very skilled forger to get anything by them.

Signatures are written in cursive. This is the style of writing where the letters of a word are all connected. This was a time saver, in that you could write words without lifting your pen off the paper. Hardly anybody writes cursive anymore. It is hard to write and it is hard to read. We type, we text, we print, but we don’t write cursive. The signature is one of the last vestiges of this endangered form of expression. Who needs it if you can text.

There are those who think that they can determine what kind of person you are from the way you write. They claim to be able to tell if you are smart and successful, or a stupid failure. How you dot your i's and cross your t’s tells a lot about who you really are. If, for example, you dot your i's with little hearts, then you are most likely a 15 year old girl. If your script has many elaborate loops, then you are probably loopy. It is all logical.

[Richard had many amazing adventures this summer.]

In the summertime, school kids in America don’t have much to study or work on. For most, there are three months with no school and no work. The weather is warm, the days are long, and time is free. It is time to read, travel, and play.

Most students don’t go to summer school, and when they return to school to start a new year, they have to accomplish the most frequently assigned essay in school history. It is called, “How I Spent My Summer Vacation”. So, after three months of frolicking, swimming, and goofing off, the student has to stand up in front of the class and make up stuff about their most recent summer.

[In order to form a more perfect union...]

“Our constitution works; our great republic is a government of laws and not of men. Here, the people rule.” That is what one U.S. president said as he was pardoning a previous U.S. president so that he would not face the consequences of his illegal actions. It seemed a little bit contradictory at the time.

To characterize America by a single word, you would have to use a word like “Spangled”.

[Richard grew up in the city of Tulsa in the state of Oklahoma, but has lived in Taiwan for the last 18 years.]

Taiwan is in the Far East. We call it the Far East because it is far far to the east, but not too far. If it was too far to the east, then it would be in danger of becoming the Near West. The Far East is so far away that the culture, language, and religions are mostly different from those in the USA.

I have been in Taiwan long enough to start seeing my hometown as a foreign land. My old Tulsa neighborhood is basically the same as when I was there, but there are enough little differences that it has become oddly strange, and strangely odd. I’m used to Taiwan, which is my home now.

Quiet streets outside the front window of my old house.

Tulsa seems to be larger than it was. Houses seem farther apart. The old neighborhood has become a bit more run down. We were always too close to the airport. There is much noise from the airplanes. The city grows to the south and the east, not to the north. For all these reasons, there has been little change. It just feels like it to me.

[Richard is an American in Taipei and is pleased with the service.]

We tip in America. This is where you give extra money to wait staff, hotel workers, taxi drivers, and others. It is a way to reward good service.

Fifteen percent is the common tip for restraunts. A quick way to figure the tip amount is to take the total cost and divide by 10. (That’s just moving the decimal point over one spot.) Then add half of that amount, and there you have 15 percent, and you didn’t need to use any trigonometry. Taxi drivers require a little bit more.

Just leave a few bucks on the table.

Many restaurant workers are not paid well and they need to collect tips in order to cover their daily expenses. So tipping at restaurants is expected. Just leave the tip on the table as you leave. If a waiter or waitress wants to earn good tips, they should try to work in a more expensive restaurant. 15 percent of an expensive meal is a lot more than 15 percent of a cheap one. Don’t tip at fast food places.

[Richard is a product of the United States system of public educartion.]

The American educational system is the model for the world. It has done wonders for mankind, and I’m not just saying that because I actually know anything. That’s just what they tell me.

Most public schools in America use the 6-3-3 system. That is six years in elementary school, three years in junior high school, and three years in high school. If you add the three numbers together you will get the number of years it will take until you finish the compulsory years of school. I think it is seven, or ten. In any event, it is many years to go to school. It is more than most people need.

[Richard is 3/32 Choctaw. The Choctaws are one of the Five Civilized Tribes.]

Long before the Europeans came to North America, Native Americans were living on the land. There were hundreds of tribes, most with a unique language and culture. The explorers were looking for a passage to India and believed that they had found one. They called the native people “Indians” and the name stuck. The name “American Indians” also was a term that was used often. Today, Native Americans” is the preferred term.

The Native Americans had their land taken from them because they lacked the firepower and technology of the invaders. Many died from diseases that the explorers brought. Their immune systems were not able to protect them.

[Richard was never very good at remembering history.]

For a long time, schools in America didn’t teach much about China. That is why some people in the United States are misinformed about this part of the world. For example, some people think that:

• China was discovered by Marco Polo. That is why to this day you will see many clothing items that are made in China with some sort of polo emblem. He learned a useful technique to always let people know his exact whereabouts by loudly calling out his first name.
• Confucius was a famous Chinese philosopher who said a lot of smart things. His sayings always started with, “Confucius say, …” Some of them were pretty funny.
• China invented dishes.

There is much beauty in Taiwan.

[Richard is not undead.]

There are two kinds of people in America: those that want to be a vampire or a werewolf, and the rest are zombies. I could be wrong about that, so don’t start growling at me. My doctor said that I need to eat more brains anyway.

Vampires were popular for a while. There was a movie about a teenage girl that fell in love with a vampire and also a werewolf. It was popular so naturally, everybody wanted to be a vampire or a werewolf (or a teenage girl).

[Richard sometimes watches TV.]

TV in America is just one loud and annoying commercial after another. Most shows are dumbed down for a general audience. There are entire channels supposedly devoted to science and nature, but only show people restoring cars or bargain hunting at auction houses. The so-called History channel shows conspiracy theories about ancient aliens and, of course, fat guys visiting pawn shops.

[Richard has lived in Taiwan so long that he has to refresh his memories concerning his homeland.]

Each of the 50 states in the USA have many official things. These things are created by state governments to celebrate the things that are locally unique and worthy of pride. It could be a unifying source of inspiration for the community and a point of common ground for the people to rally around. It may also be an example of brainless bureaucrats wasting money and time.

I was born in New Mexico, whose official nickname is ‘The Land of Enchantment’. The state bird is the roadrunner that goes “meep meep”, and the state flower of New Mexico is the yucca. We Later moved to Oklahoma, which is known as ‘The Sooner State’, and their state bird is the scissor tailed fly catcher. The state flower of Oklahoma is mistletoe, which is what astronauts have, and it is also a parasite. Besides birds and flowers, there are state rocks, state animals, state insects, and state just-about-anything-else.

[If Richard ever gets a tattoo, it will be in English.]

Some people like tattoos. I never understood why, but to each their own I always say. Of those who like tattoos, there are some Americans who think that getting tattoos of Chinese characters is cool. A lot of those people don’t know how to read or speak it, and that leads to some funny stuff, because some tattoos don’t say what they think they do.

Chinese is a writing system that is completely different from any other language in the Americas or in Europe. Having Chinese tattoos may convey a sense of mystery and spirituality.

[Richard is an American who is lucky to be here in Taiwan.]

Americans have different superstitions than those in Taiwan. So, when we get here, it is shocking—the violations of faith-based safety. The things that are common sense to us are unknown here on the other side of the world. The citizens of Taiwan don’t realize what sort of calamity they are inviting.

First of all, the number 4 is not scary. 13 is a scary number. We even have a whole series of movies about it. In America, we laugh at number 4.

[Richard would like to take more vacations, but who has the time?]

By car, in the USA, you can travel vast distances. It is a big place, and they say that half the fun is getting there. With a car you can make side trips and stop anytime you want. It is nice if you have someone who can share the driving on longer trips.

Every once in a while on the highway, you can find a scenic turnout. That is a place where you can pull off the main road, stop, and enjoy the beautiful landscape. At other places, you can use the picnic tables to have a meal or a snack and take a break. Sitting in the car for long periods can be tiresome even if you are not driving.

If you get Chinese food in Oklahoma, the waitresses will probably be from Vietnam. The food will be sweet and sour, crispy, and fried. Hard, dry fried dumplings will be found next to something called ‘spring rolls’, and the chopsticks are for decoration only. You must get some ginger cookies for desert and you won’t get away without reading your fortune cookie. Chinese food in America is real comfort food, and you can eat and eat and eat until your stomach is about to burst. Restaurant names have to include words like “Panda”, “Dragon”, or “Royal”.

Chinese food is popular in America.

When you go out to eat in America, you first decide what category of food you want: Mexican, Italian, Chinese, Japanese, or something else. Mexican food is not really what people eat in Mexico. Japanese food is mainly sushi. Italy is not where pizza comes from. Every national cuisine has been altered to suit American taste buds, and every helping has been supersized.