上班族必備軟實力

[Richard has yet to come to his fashion senses.]

Fashions come and fashions go. Sometimes they are in, and sometimes they are out. Taiwan has had some unique, beautiful, and smart takes on popular style.

One memorable fashion fad was the witches’ shoes–shoes with sharply pointed toes. Over ten years ago they were popular because they were fashionable, and they were fashionable for reasons that can never be explained. Smart and self-aware women wore them. Some women just had to have shoes with exaggeratedly pointy-toes. You won’t see them so much anymore. They’ve gone the way of the Dodo shoes.

( Here is a tower from one of EVA’s ships on display at their Taipei headquarters. )

The seaport in Kaohsiung is one of the busiest in the world. The big ships bring in a lot of goods from all over the world. Taiwan depends on trade for many of the raw materials they use to manufacture their renowned high tech gadgets and gizmoos.

From cargo to fishing. Boats and ships are necessary. If there are natural resources that Taiwan is lacking in, they may need to ship material in. Ships are slower than airplanes, but they can hold much more cargo. Cargo ships, also called container ships, have gotten so large that they are like floating continents. Navigating such a humongous ship is a job for a specially trained super capable person. Ships captains are unique and amazing people.

[Richard is too tired to go ot. We’ll go next week, I promise.]

Let’s stay in. Going out is too much trouble. There’s no parking. There’s too much traffic. It is crazy out there and I’m tired. Have you seen my yellow apron?

We can rent a movie. I would like to see something romantic and funny. Get something that is in English. I don’t want to think, and I want to forget about the real world for a little while—no vampire movies!

[Richard is an English name from ancient Germany. It means “Powerful Leader”.]

Many people in Taiwan have an English name. It makes it convenient for many of the native English-speaking teachers, because some of them have trouble with Chinese names.

Dinosaur would be an excellent English name.

[Richard is an excellent driver.]

The police send me pictures of my car. Every so often, I will get a letter from them that has a picture of the car breaking some sort of traffic law. (Because it’s the car breaking the law, not me.) They say that I need to give them money for that.

Taiwan police don’t often pull cars over ; they just take pictures. Lawbreakers will get fines plus photographs in the mail. Some cameras are set to trigger automatically. Others are manned at police checkpoints. If it is dark outside, you can see the flash as the camera goes off.

[Richard has his Chinese name on his chop.]

Ever since ancient times in China, little wooden stamps, called chops, have been used to indicate ownership and authority. The ink is usually red and when inked and pressed, it imprints on whatever document it is applied.

The chop is the Chinese equivalent of the American signature. Your bank will keep a record of the impression from your chop and if you try to use a different one, they will notice. You cannot fool them, because there are always little subtle differences in all chops--just like in a signature. Your transaction will not be processed until you have the correct chop. You can cry and scream all you want. Believe me, I have tried.

Some old chops of mine.

[Richard has actually never played the Candy Crush game.]

Apps, short for applications, is the new name for what we used to call programs. They are useful on your smartphone, which is a small computer after all. There are many apps that you can install on you phone and they can be very useful.

The Samsung S Health app is a convenient way to keep track of how many calories you eat every day. It also counts how many steps you take, and you can keep a record of your weight every day.

[Richard has been in Taiwan for 16 years and thinks that he has seen it all.]

Every so often in Taiwan, something will suddenly become popular and everyone will want it. It is usually some kind of food like doughnuts, egg tarts, or ramen. Who knows why it happens or what is going to be next. It may be mass hypnosis, a reaction to environmental stress, or some sort of mental manipulation by alien super beings.

Cream-filled desserts, egg custard tarts, ramen, and Mr. Donut are just some of the fads that have swept through Taiwan. To find the latest, you only need look for a long line. It may be caused by mass hypnosis, the waiting in long lines and buying designated valuable things like they were going out of style.

[Richard honk, Richard beep, honk beep honk for almost 20 years.]

Honking the car or scooter horn is a primitive form of communication, like dogs barking. It expresses anger. “Hurry and move!”, it says. Geese also honk, with little hope of communicating anything complicated. If a goose wants to say that he feels a little down in the dumps and has a vague sense of foreboding, then what can he do? All he can do is honk.

The car horn is more important in Taiwan than in the USA. In America, the honk usually means, “Wake up! The light’s changed! Move your stupid car!” In Taiwan, honking has more meanings. Its main meaning is, “Wake up! The light is about to change! You should be moving already!” But there are other meanings.

[Richard was married in Taiwan 17 years ago.]

A Taiwanese wedding is a lavish and intricate affair. Before the wedding, couples usually have wedding photos taken. These are taken by professional photographers, and involve many clothes changes in various scenic locations. It is all put into a lavish photo album that they can show off and cherish the rest of their happily wedded lives.

The main part of a Chinese wedding is the banquet. It is important. Family and friends are seated at large tables, and delicious food is added continuously to the daisy wheel. If people don’t finish the first courses, then they will have trouble fitting subsequent dishes onto the table. It can be quite a battle, moving stuff around and emptying plates. They usually start with appetizers and go through soup and several main dishes that might be lobster, sashimi, boiled fish, beef, stir-fried meats and veggies, pork, and much more. The last few dishes will be some sort of cold sweet bean soup and various fruits.

[Richard tries not to be too obnoxious.]

There are many manners and customs to be aware of when you are a guest in a Taiwan home.

• Take your shoes off before you go inside.
• Don’t make hyena noises.
• Hold the rice bowl in your hand when you eat. That makes you look like you are really enjoying the meal.
• Don’t stick the chopsticks upright in the rice. This will remind people of incense and funerals.
• It is not polite to say that you don’t want to eat any more food, say that you are full, that you could not possibly eat another bite of the delicious food. This way you won’t insult your host.

In Taiwan, it is easy enough to buy a drink, but if you are with a group, you cannot just drink. You must offer your glass in a toast to someone, “Cheers”, “Here’s to your health”, or something like that. If you want a sip, the fastest way is to offer a toast to one of your drinking partners. But after you have toasted everyone in your party several times, they may start to get tired of you.

[Richard enjoys the convenience of public transportation.]

Mass Rapid Transit (MRT) has made a huge impact on the quality of life in Taipei. Before the MRT, traffic was crazy and crowded. Now it is still crazy and crowded traffic, but it would probably be worse without the MRT. I can’t tell much difference. I think that bus lanes have had a more positive effect on the traffic than the MRT, but that is beside the point.

[Richard grew up in Oklahoma and doesn’t care for crowds.]

When you are in a crowd, you have to be careful. If you are too animated, people may think ill of you, or worse, they may become afraid. People who are afraid can become dangerous. Therefore, avoid any unnecessary movements, don’t make eye contact, and stay quiet.

I just keep looking down.

[Richard has been living well in Taiwan since the late 90s.]

The cardboard lady collects material to recycle and pushes a little cart up and down her neighborhood streets in Taipei. She slowly goes about her task of collecting material for recycling, and by evening she has a lot of it. I can’t imagine that she gets much money for it, but at least it is not heavy. Her back is bent and she is extremely old, but day in and day out, she works. There are many like her all around the city.

There is a cardboard man, too. He peddles his overloaded bicycle slowly across busy intersections with impatient drivers lined up behind him. Somehow this old and frail person has the strength to propel his little bike, piled high with broken down paper boxes, down busy streets and over the hills of his neighborhood.

[Richard is an American in Taiwan and the epitome of civility.]

Proper etiquette is a way to avoid offending others. Just follow the rules and nobody gets hurt. Don’t be a dunder head. There are some minor differences in etiquette between the East and the West, but common sense should see anyone through in either hemisphere.

When eating, here are some things that you can do in Taiwan that you can’t do in the West:

[Richard is in Taiwan for many years and is still in love.]

If you are you lonely, in need of a friend, and in Taiwan, then you need help to find a partner and make a date with that special someone who is just perfect for you.

Young people in Taiwan that are coming of age usually have been too busy with homework and test taking to bother with the ordeal of courtship. They must rely on family and friends for hooking up with that perfect special someone sweet.

[Dogs are always talking about texture. “Rough” they say, “Rough.”]

As smooth as silk, while many times hyperbole, it is evidence that silk, the quintessential Chinese fabric, is the epitome of glossy elegance. For many years, China had a monopoly on silk because they had worms. When one thinks of silk, one things of China, or one might think of the traditional Chinese dress, a silky tight, red, and slit up the side work of art. That dress is alluring and it drives many men crazy.

There were so many man-made fabrics developed after the second world war that they were worn just for the novelty. They was polyester, rayon, nylon, and worsted. Wearing them was like participating in the magnificent march of scientific breakthroughs. Their shiny, plastic look later became the hallmark of the disco era.

[Richard is a healthy male from the USA.]

In Taiwan there are many people in a limited space. Everyone’s breath is recycled into everyone else’s lungs. You breathe in tiny creatures and then breathe out most of those tiny creatures, plus some of your own. Other people breathe yours in and then exhale more. The number of items in the air are amazingly diverse even though they are invisible—they are so tiny. They are filthy germs, and it is almost impossible to completely protect yourself from them.

It is always a good idea to wash your hands often. Alcohol dispensers are placed at the entrance to many public buildings to help stop the spread of disease. They will be more numerous depending on the current state of alert. When entering or leaving a building, it is recommended to douse your hands with alcohol. I was always afraid that my hands would catch on fire if I lit a cigarette.

[Richard likes it. It’s a hit, but don’t give him that do-goody-good stuff.]

Taiwan currency is more colorful than the U.S. dollar. This proves that money doesn’t have to be boring. Low denomination paper money is orange and the big bills are blue. There’s a brown one in between, and a green, 200 note that is rarely seen.

There are woven into the bills various safety features that try to make it hard to duplicate and easy to spot fakes. Money is magnificent and beautiful at the same time. It is wise and omnipotent. Sacrifices will be made, even though Illuminati control it all. (I did not say that. I was never here. You didn’t hear that from me.)

[Over the past 20 years, Richard has confused his relatives about where he lives.]

It is obvious that I haven’t done a very good job of educating my friends and family back home about Taiwan. They say things like, “How is everything in Thailand?” They wonder if everyone lives in grass huts, and if they have indoor plumbing.

Life in Taiwan?