[Richard has lived in Taiwan so long that he has to refresh his memories concerning his homeland.]
Each of the 50 states in the USA have many official things. These things are created by state governments to celebrate the things that are locally unique and worthy of pride. It could be a unifying source of inspiration for the community and a point of common ground for the people to rally around. It may also be an example of brainless bureaucrats wasting money and time.
I was born in New Mexico, whose official nickname is ‘The Land of Enchantment’. The state bird is the roadrunner that goes “meep meep”, and the state flower of New Mexico is the yucca. We Later moved to Oklahoma, which is known as ‘The Sooner State’, and their state bird is the scissor tailed fly catcher. The state flower of Oklahoma is mistletoe, which is what astronauts have, and it is also a parasite. Besides birds and flowers, there are state rocks, state animals, state insects, and state just-about-anything-else.
In Taiwan there are many people in a limited space. Everyone’s breath is recycled into everyone else’s lungs. You breathe in tiny creatures and then breathe out most of those tiny creatures, plus some of your own. Other people breathe yours in and then exhale more. The number of items in the air are amazingly diverse even though they are invisible—they are so tiny. They are filthy germs, and it is almost impossible to completely protect yourself from them.
It is always a good idea to wash your hands often. Alcohol dispensers are placed at the entrance to many public buildings to help stop the spread of disease. They will be more numerous depending on the current state of alert. When entering or leaving a building, it is recommended to douse your hands with alcohol. I was always afraid that my hands would catch on fire if I lit a cigarette.
[If Richard ever gets a tattoo, it will be in English.]
Some people like tattoos. I never understood why, but to each their own I always say. Of those who like tattoos, there are some Americans who think that getting tattoos of Chinese characters is cool. A lot of those people don’t know how to read or speak it, and that leads to some funny stuff, because some tattoos don’t say what they think they do.
Chinese is a writing system that is completely different from any other language in the Americas or in Europe. Having Chinese tattoos may convey a sense of mystery and spirituality.
[Richard likes it. It’s a hit, but don’t give him that do-goody-good stuff.]
Taiwan currency is more colorful than the U.S. dollar. This proves that money doesn’t have to be boring. Low denomination paper money is orange and the big bills are blue. There’s a brown one in between, and a green, 200 note that is rarely seen.
There are woven into the bills various safety features that try to make it hard to duplicate and easy to spot fakes. Money is magnificent and beautiful at the same time. It is wise and omnipotent. Sacrifices will be made, even though Illuminati control it all. (I did not say that. I was never here. You didn’t hear that from me.)
[Richard is an American who is lucky to be here in Taiwan.]
Americans have different superstitions than those in Taiwan. So, when we get here, it is shocking—the violations of faith-based safety. The things that are common sense to us are unknown here on the other side of the world. The citizens of Taiwan don’t realize what sort of calamity they are inviting.
First of all, the number 4 is not scary. 13 is a scary number. We even have a whole series of movies about it. In America, we laugh at number 4.
[Over the past 20 years, Richard has confused his relatives about where he lives.]
It is obvious that I haven’t done a very good job of educating my friends and family back home about Taiwan. They say things like, “How is everything in Thailand?” They wonder if everyone lives in grass huts, and if they have indoor plumbing.
[Richard would like to take more vacations, but who has the time?]
By car, in the USA, you can travel vast distances. It is a big place, and they say that half the fun is getting there. With a car you can make side trips and stop anytime you want. It is nice if you have someone who can share the driving on longer trips.
Every once in a while on the highway, you can find a scenic turnout. That is a place where you can pull off the main road, stop, and enjoy the beautiful landscape. At other places, you can use the picnic tables to have a meal or a snack and take a break. Sitting in the car for long periods can be tiresome even if you are not driving.
[Living in Taiwan for almost 20 years now, Richard still likes a good exhibition.]
Once I went to see a mammoth, the Pleistocene mammoth. It was huge. It looked like an elephant, but it was much bigger and hairier. It was once numerous and widespread in the cold regions of the Northern Hemisphere-both in Asia and in North America. The hair was red, and sometimes it was known as the woolly mammoth. It was dead. The last mammoth died many thousands of years ago, but they are sometimes found frozen in ice and well preserved, like the baby one that I saw at the Chiang Kai Shek Memorial Hall.
If you get Chinese food in Oklahoma, the waitresses will probably be from Vietnam. The food will be sweet and sour, crispy, and fried. Hard, dry fried dumplings will be found next to something called ‘spring rolls’, and the chopsticks are for decoration only. You must get some ginger cookies for desert and you won’t get away without reading your fortune cookie. Chinese food in America is real comfort food, and you can eat and eat and eat until your stomach is about to burst. Restaurant names have to include words like “Panda”, “Dragon”, or “Royal”.
Chinese food is popular in America.
When you go out to eat in America, you first decide what category of food you want: Mexican, Italian, Chinese, Japanese, or something else. Mexican food is not really what people eat in Mexico. Japanese food is mainly sushi. Italy is not where pizza comes from. Every national cuisine has been altered to suit American taste buds, and every helping has been supersized.
[Richard is an American and obedient to the television.]
If you are single, lonely, in need of a friend, and in America, you may need help to find that certain someone special. There’s regular love, and then there’s love American style, which involves watching TV, because there are many beautiful people on TV, even though the TV cameras add 10 pounds.
In America you usually won’t use a professional matchmaker. Matchmakers in America are usually amateur, female, and related to the person they are trying to marry off. They somehow know who all the single people in the neighborhood are.
A Taiwanese wedding is a lavish and intricate affair. Before the wedding, couples usually have wedding photos taken. These are taken by professional photographers, and involve many clothes changes in various scenic locations. It is all put into a lavish photo album that they can show off and cherish the rest of their happily wedded lives.
The main part of a Chinese wedding is the banquet. It is important. Family and friends are seated at large tables, and delicious food is added continuously to the daisy wheel. If people don’t finish the first courses, then they will have trouble fitting subsequent dishes onto the table. It can be quite a battle, moving stuff around and emptying plates. They usually start with appetizers and go through soup and several main dishes that might be lobster, sashimi, boiled fish, beef, stir-fried meats and veggies, pork, and much more. The last few dishes will be some sort of cold sweet bean soup and various fruits.
成功案例 (3)