上班族必備軟實力

[Richard is an American and obedient to the television.]

If you are single, lonely, in need of a friend, and in America, you may need help to find that certain someone special. There’s regular love, and then there’s love American style, which involves watching TV, because there are many beautiful people on TV, even though the TV cameras add 10 pounds.

In America you usually won’t use a professional matchmaker. Matchmakers in America are usually amateur, female, and related to the person they are trying to marry off. They somehow know who all the single people in the neighborhood are.

Your horoscope is not so important, except as a conversation starter. “What’s your sign?” is probably the most used icebreaking pickup line in the States. People usually don’t know or care which signs are supposed to be the most compatible. What they care about is white teeth and fresh breath. I know because the TV told me.

Our primitive instincts tell us to look for a mate who will provide many healthy offspring. For women, child bearing hips and ample bosoms are attractive, while men exude strength and protection through their bulging biceps and powerful leg muscles. You must be careful, because nobody wrestles bears anymore. Men and women today can improve their looks with toupees, push-up bras, and teeth whiteners. (In that order.) They get breast implants and liposuction.

The so-called nerds are most financially successful in the States, because they studied and learned how to use and create tech. Most of the beautiful and popular people we knew in high school, dreamed of becoming movie stars, but ended up doing manual labor or working in the fast food industry for minimum wage.

Finding love is one of the early struggles in our intricate, human lives, or else it is just a big pain. Whichever it is, it is inescapable. Thank you for reading.